Footloose!

Last night I went out for the first night as a newly aware self-accepting fat person. I couldn't drink as I was driving. Normally I would need a couple of drinks to get the courage to dance (I love dancing but traditionally only do it in my kitchen). Not last night. I danced all night sans alcohol and had a great time!

I also wore a dress with very short sleeves for the first time ever in public. In talking about this to my best friend she admitted that she was wearing big hold-it-all-in pants that cover most of her body. We both had great fun cutting a rug on the floor and the band even commented about out great dancing. Or were they being ironic....?

;)

I'm liking the new me so far.....

I'm Coming Out....

Well, kinda.

Truth is I wanna test the waters some. It is time for me as a fat person to begin to like myself as a fat person. That means accepting that I have been a fat person for some 20 odd years and that it is possible I will spend the rest of my life as a fat person. It means accepting:

That I find dieting very difficult

That the more I obsess the about my weight the heavier I get (traditionally)

That, somehow, people do not find me as repulsive as I find myself

That I am actually fat and that other people realise this which means I have to accept...

That wearing black does not disguise my fatness (so I may as well wear purple if I wanna)

That wearing big baggy clothes ain't foolin' anyone

That if I was thin I would still be clumsy and awkward sometimes

That I am a woman who has given birth and that the new fat me is not the same as the old (pre-child) fat me

That I own the responsibility for my health and well being and that this is not nesscessarily related to my size

I weigh about 16 stone. I am 5 foot 10. It feels like everyone wants me to lose weight. And I am starting to wonder if I can be happy with me as I am now....

I don't want to wait any longer to be free...

I want to stop hiding and being afraid...

I want to feel confident that people will not hate me if I stop complaining about my weight...

I want to believe that the people who say I am attractive will still think this if I start to wear clothes that show more of my figure or (*gasp*) sleeveless tops....

This is a blog to document my experiment in self-acceptance. I am putting it online because I didn't find much like it when I was looking. Maybe there are people like me who are tired of hiding behind the long sweaters. It's almost summer. I am not thin like I promised myself (again) I would be. But I'm going to dress for summer for anyway....