Well, kinda.
Truth is I wanna test the waters some. It is time for me as a fat person to begin to like myself as a fat person. That means accepting that I have been a fat person for some 20 odd years and that it is possible I will spend the rest of my life as a fat person. It means accepting:
That I find dieting very difficult
That the more I obsess the about my weight the heavier I get (traditionally)
That, somehow, people do not find me as repulsive as I find myself
That I am actually fat and that other people realise this which means I have to accept...
That wearing black does not disguise my fatness (so I may as well wear purple if I wanna)
That wearing big baggy clothes ain't foolin' anyone
That if I was thin I would still be clumsy and awkward sometimes
That I am a woman who has given birth and that the new fat me is not the same as the old (pre-child) fat me
That I own the responsibility for my health and well being and that this is not nesscessarily related to my size
I weigh about 16 stone. I am 5 foot 10. It feels like everyone wants me to lose weight. And I am starting to wonder if I can be happy with me as I am now....
I don't want to wait any longer to be free...
I want to stop hiding and being afraid...
I want to feel confident that people will not hate me if I stop complaining about my weight...
I want to believe that the people who say I am attractive will still think this if I start to wear clothes that show more of my figure or (*gasp*) sleeveless tops....
This is a blog to document my experiment in self-acceptance. I am putting it online because I didn't find much like it when I was looking. Maybe there are people like me who are tired of hiding behind the long sweaters. It's almost summer. I am not thin like I promised myself (again) I would be. But I'm going to dress for summer for anyway....
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